We’re all under a higher baseline amount of stress lately, due to COVID, isolation, winter and seasonal depression, world tensions, and ongoing transitions in work and family life. When we have higher levels of stress, our “window of tolerance” becomes very narrow. That means that our stress hormones are overacting, and we can be easily pushed into unhelpful coping strategies like anxiety or agitation, or numbing/dissociation.
Window of Tolerance
Here are some ways to widen your window of tolerance and stay in the more optimal part of your stress response, where you feel present, grounded, and able to regulate or tolerate your emotions:
1) Practice mindfulness – Even doing a quick, 2-minute grounding exercise where you check in with your five senses and pick out:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
. . . brings you out of your overactive anxious thinking and back to the present moment. Staying present as much as possible makes it easier to notice and allow for whatever you’re feeling, rather than scrambling to do something about it or try not to think about it – which only makes it feel worse.
2) Up your self-care – Use mindfulness and awareness of your senses to build in extra care when stress is higher. Take a break. Walk outside (even if it’s cold). Have a candle lit or music playing. Stroke a pet. Give yourself small gifts of time and pleasure and allow yourself to really feel relaxed and happy – on purpose – throughout your day.
3) Write yourself a compassionate message – When you’re stressed, you might not be the kindest to yourself. Think about what words make you feel better about yourself, and write them somewhere you will see when you need that reminder. You’re doing your best. You’re dealing with a lot. You’re going to be okay.
4) Set a boundary around your stress – give yourself real, practical time away from stressors like work, school, parenting, etc. This might mean not checking your phone or email during a certain time. Taking a drive by yourself once in a while. Journaling about what you’re grateful for before bed instead of working right up until you fall asleep. Giving yourself time when the stress from each of your different roles/demands isn’t running the show.
Read the words in the “Window of Tolerance” box and think about what makes you feel that way. Consider how you can give yourself more of those feelings and experiences to widen your window and feel better about how you’re coping with stress.